Run Away!

Guy smokes inside. While it's gross, inconsiderate, and totes against the rules, it actually doesn't really bother me all that much. He only does it once in awhile and if the smoke does find its way up to our apartment, I usually only catch the occasional whiff. He is usually pretty good about going outside to the front stoop to light up, or at the very least, go down to the basement and smoke in the laundry room. I should mention while I'm riding this whaa-mbulance that as much as Guy smokes, it does not seem that he has ever invested in an ash tray. All of the cigarette butts that we do not find in the laundry machine are whirling around in the wind on our front stoop. Sometimes he'll collect them in an empty Diet Coke can that he also keeps under the poop chair, but inevitably, the wind knocks the can over and cigarette butts decorate the shrubbery in our front yard.  
Last night, he must have been feeling particularly lazy (I can't imagine that that looks much different from his regular lazy), because from the intense second-hand smoke we were enduring, it seemed like their bedroom was on fire. It was late and I was reading peacefully in the living room. The boyfriend (hereinafter, "BF") comes storming out from our bedroom, announcing, "He's smoking inside again!" The outrage! BF then makes that face that I think he thinks says "I lead such a hard life," but that actually says "Feel bad for me or else I'll keep doing this face." BF proceeds to pout that he can't fall asleep because of the smell. He paces around for awhile, gets a snack (boys), pouts some more, and then decides we are writing a note! The note says "Please stop smoking inside. It comes up into our bedroom and is hazardous to our health" and BF pins it on their door downstairs. It made him feel better and made him go to bed, so that is what matters.

This morning, I took our dog out for her morning potty. Yes, it's what we call it in this household. If you're mocking me, then you clearly don't have an adorable dog (or children). Anyways, our dog is a little princess and if it is below freezing, she immediately takes note. I only need to walk her down the sidewalk about 30 yards before she has gone both potty #1 and potty #2 and has already abruptly turned around, heading back towards the warm house. If it was a nice, sunny day, she would take her dandy little time, making sure to sniff every rock and blade of grass before deeming a someone else's yard--3 blocks away--worthy of her urine. It was a cool 20 degrees this morning and she was well aware. We probably had only walked down past 3 or 4 houses on our street before our mission was completed and we were returning home. As soon as I turned back towards our place, I see Guy on our front stoop, sucking on his cig and looking at me. He does that thing where he sees me seeing him and looks away really fast like he wasn't looking. That is one of my favorite things! Anyways, he immediately throws the cigarette down, stomps it out, and scurries back inside. He does a really good scurry. The time it took for the pooch and me to come out our front door, walk 30 yards down the sidewalk, and turn back around was, at most, a grand total of thirty seconds. I am pretty sure Guy was not merrily puffing away in the corner of the stoop when we walked out the door, so that would mean he came out after us and ran away when he saw us coming back. I like to think that it was my intimidating physique that sent him straight back inside. I'd even take the shame he felt when he read the note. But, I am pretty sure he is just an awkward weirdo.