Appreciation

Being semi-employed in an industry that honors the significance and history of President's Day, I have the day off! I have been looking forward to this three-day weekend since the end of last weekend so I was really pissed when I woke up this morning with a headache and snot on my face (to be clear, it was my own snot). Last night, we thought we were doing a good deed by offering to babysit for our neighbors who live two houses down. I want to reiterate that these neighbors are NOT the same neighbors who live downstairs. I can't even imagine what type of stories I'd have if the people downstairs spawned.



Anyways, these other, different neighbors had Wolves tickets, a 4-year-old, and a babysitter who cancelled last minute. We thought it'd be so fun to hang out with this cool little kid on a Sunday night instead of doing what we usually do: watch some bad movie on netflix and pass out before 10pm. At about 5p, the neighbors dropped by with a bag of movies (Edward Scissorhands, Labyrinth, and the SpongeBob SquarePants Movie) and a small child with a red and chapped upper-lip. If you weren't aware, the red upper-lip is the universal sign for "I am Sick and Full of Infectious Germs." I wanted to slam the door in their faces, shut off all the lights, and pretend we weren't home. But it was too late. The kid immediately ran inside and found the dog and began trying to ride her like a horse. Then she proceeded to run around, jumping on our furniture, and spreading her sickness on all of the surfaces in our place. We played several board games, spent an hour physically exerting ourselves on Just Dance 3!, chased (terrorized) the dog some more, and ate a lot of sugar. She also used about every kleenex we had. And then placed them in strategically casual places so that I would pick them up with my bare hand before realizing what it was. Bioterrorist land mines all over my apartment. By 9:30p, the kid still had not come down from her sugar high and showed no signs of tiring, so we changed into pajamas, popped in a movie, and got comfortable on the couch. We were thinking this would be perfect: she'll watch the movie, calm down, leave the dog alone finally, and eventually fall asleep. Well, 50 minutes into the movie, I wake up to this 4-year-old literally running as fast as she can from one corner of our living room to the other corner and screaming "LOOK HOW FAST I CAN RUN!" Oh. My. God. How is she still awake?! And how did I manage, despite having a tazmanian devil over for company, to still end up falling asleep before 10p like every other Sunday night?! We even played Sorry! with her after the movie, which is like the most boring board game of all time, and even that didn't bring down her energy level. She sat next to me on the couch while we played and every time she had to move her piece from across the board, she'd lean over and breathe on me with every space she counted. How I dreaded that 12-card.

After wiping down every surface in our living room, I now sit on the couch fighting off a cold, consoling our traumatized dog, reflecting on last night's events, and rethinking my desire to one day have a 4-year-old. While there are very eerie similarities between our small, but extremely energectic guest and the Guy that lives downstairs, I have to say that if I had to pick between one of the two, I would pick Guy. The kid was much more enjoyable to be around, but she did not have an off switch. I'm pretty sure Guy's off switch consists of a bag of weed and cable.

I have devoted a whole blog to why I hate Guy, but this one post is dedicated to my appreciation for him in certain, limited circumstances. I do have a heart. The whole experience has made me realize how much I appreciate, in this order, the following things:

1. Birth Control;
2. All you parents out there;
3. Disinfecting wipes; and
4. The people who live downstairs.