On a Different Note

I don't want you to get the wrong idea about the people downstairs. If the idea you have is that we hate them, well then actually yes, you have the right idea. However, if you think that we hate them only because they are slobs and one of them defecates all over our yard, then you are sorely mistaken. I should note that the dog is included in my use of the term "the people downstairs" in case that last sentence gave you a weird mental image. Anyways, while their repulsive hygiene practices and blatant disregard for other people are usually the basis for these posts, there is oh-so-much more for us to hate. I will now delight you with one of these other things!


The bar on noise expectations is, again, set rather low. We are pretty reasonable people. We understand that overhearing other people's arguments comes with the territory when you live in a duplex. Admittedly, us whiners upstairs argue a decent amount - maybe even more than the average couple. It would be fair to say that most of our arguments are completely pointless, i.e., what to eat for lunch, who's up on dishes, or how I could dare to watch an episode of Law & Order (the Benjamin Bratt years) without the bf. So we are also aware that when taken out of context, fights and things that are said in the heat of the moment can often seem exaggerated and over-the-top. Keeping all of this in mind, I can still honestly say that the people downstairs take fighting to an extreme. They fight all the time and only have one volume for all of their arguments: really loud. As much as we hate them, I am hesitant to post about the substance of their fights because arguments between a couple are sometimes very personal and intimate. It would be so easy to sit here and make fun of all the things they argue about, but it also wouldn't be very fair. Although I devoted an entire posting to poop, I do have a little integrity to uphold.

Instead, I have decided that all future posts related to the substance of their fights will be highly selective. Basically, the test is: Was the fight so over the top that if I had that fight, would I deserve to have it anonymously documented on the internets for others to ridicule? If no, then it's off limits. If yes, then I'll blog away. On the other hand, the frequency and manner in which the fights come about are totally fair game and I have no moral qualms about discussing those in full detail.

The first time I overheard the people downstairs argue, I was really excited because I was young and naive and thought it was a rare occurence. We also don't have cable. While I could fully comprehend every sarcastic and rageful tone eminating from below, I couldn't really make out the exact words. It sounded like the adults from Charlie Brown but if they had rabies. So I grabbed a glass from the kitchen and tiptoed down the stairs of our apartment to the only wall we shared with the neighbors. Then I did that thing where you put the glass up against the wall and pressed your ear to it so you can eavesdrop better. I admit it; it was not my proudest moment. But I always wanted to try that (it works!). I don't remember what I heard because after about 5 seconds, I realized what I was doing and was so ashamed I literally ran back up the stairs and sat on the couch, so relieved that no one saw me do that.

After a couple of weeks, we realized that the yelling from below was going to be a routine occurrence. At one point, our landlord called us and asked if the fighting was bothering us. How did he know, you ask? Our neighbors next door had called him to complain about the language and the excessive noise. Their rabid trombone-noise fights were not only penetrating floor boards, they were going through several walls and yards as well!

Like all things these people do, we have generally adjusted and usually just dismiss the intense screaming from below by turning up the TV. I can't even remember the last time I layed flat down on our floor with my ear smashed into the floorboard to hear what they were fighting about (slightly more dignified than the glass against the wall technique IMO). What I won't ever be able to adjust to is the weekend-afterbar-fight. They stumble in after bar close and immediately turn on "music" that is so loud, I am literally jolted awake from my dead-person slumber. Then, they proceed to fight over the music. I realize there's no logic when you're wasted but COME ON. Isn't it standard practice to drink to the point that as soon as you get home, you head straight for the nearest bed or couch and pass the fuck out? I can't decide if I want these people to drink more or less. The only consolation is that these 3 AM fights seem to be a warm-weather trend. Their frequency has declined as winter set in. But at the same time, with the mild weather we have been having and with spring fast approaching, that means I only have about 2 more months of peaceful weekend nights. I work over 29 hours a week and need my rest, okay?