So on this particular fall day, we were returning from a walk very similar to the one described above. As we got within a few feet of our yard, I unleashed our dog and let her run up the front stoop. She is very enthusiastic about returning home to her spot on the couch. I followed slowly behind. When I got to our front door, I noticed that the people downstairs had left their front door open and their extremely obese puggle was standing in the doorway behind their glass storm door. Our dog was standing on the outside looking in. They were just glaring at each other through the glass, tails straight up. This was their first encounter since the first meeting months earlier when our dog bit the downstairs dog in the face. Their dog was probably thinking, "You monster!!!" And our dog was probably thinking, "I wonder if there are any treats in that place." I just shooed her inside and didn't really think much of it.
The next morning, we took our dog outside for her morning walk. She usually shoots out the front door because the momentum from coming down the stairs really gets her going and it probably takes more effort to slow down than to just ride it out. Like usual, we held the door open for her, expecting her to come trotting past us, only she came to a screeching halt when she reached the door frame. She refused to pass. As we wondered what her problem was, we began to see the all too familiar "I smell shit" routine that she does every time we encounter poop on the sidewalk. She stiffens, sniffs, recoils in revulsion, and then tries to run away. There, on our welcome mat, was a fresh pile of overweight puggle poo.
In all honesty, if it wasn't for our dog's extreme reaction, one of us probably would have stepped right on it on our way out the door. Besides the fact that there was dogshit in my doorway, there was another dilemma. Our dog could not take a 6-mile detour around the poop because we were standing in a doorway. There was only one way out and it was over the poop. She did this weird shimmy thing where she clung to the side of the door frame before sneaking herself past the poop. I am pretty sure she also closed her eyes as she went past, as if this whole process was just so unbearable. I wish I could illustrate it for you because it was so ridiculous but my artistic skills have not advanced to that level quite yet, as evidenced by the fact that the welcome mat I drew (above) is probably my most accurate and realistic depiction. I don't mean to shock anyone, but I do not have a triangle for a body.
The people downstairs had apparently let their dog out that morning by tying it to the leash that is tethered to our front porch and then leaving her out there. Then, when they let it back in, they either failed to see the feces on our welcome mat or assumed that I had to go really badly the night before and mistook our front step for the bathroom. This rude little morning surprise was no doubt the overweight puggle's way of retaliating for both the stare-down that happened the night before and the humiliation of getting her ass whooped by our dog in June. To that, I say touché! My dog's reaction was a little more critical in that she thought the whole thing was a bit juvenile and uncivilized.
We decided to leave it there that morning because we were in a hurry to get to work. We also were sure the people downstairs would see it later in the day and pick it up. But, as you have probably figured out by now, you can never really be too sure of anything with these people. The poop sat for another night. And another morning. And another day. It is true we had been jumping over it and our dog had been doing that same shimmy every time we had to go outside. So when I came home from work the next day and it was still there, I decided to take some action. And by action, I do not mean the logical thing of picking it up and throwing it away. Or even the mature thing of knocking on the door and asking them to pick up their dog's shit. I decided that I would simply switch welcome mats with them. They were the exact same mats except for the 2-day old pile of crap that sat on ours. And this way, I'd really be giving it to that puggle.
I went to the front stoop and slowly picked up our mat in both hands. My plan was to just slide their doormat over to our door and then place ours down in front of their door. The classic switcheroo. However, as I stood up and began moving towards their door, the dog shit on our mat started to fall from its little pyramid shape and one by one (I think there were a total of 4 pieces to be explicit), they all rolled off the mat and onto the front stoop in a perfect trail from our door to their door. It happened so fast, but in that moment, it was like I was watching it happen in slow motion. I had to use the mat to push the pieces of poop out of the way in order to even make room for the doormat to sit properly in front of their door.
Here is what I thought would happen:
Here is what really happened:
So... it was not the best execution ever, but in the end I achieved the overall goal. The next morning, it was cleaned up! If I could do it all over again, I would probably hairspray the dog poop or apply some sort of hardening/adhesive spray before lifting it and attempting to transfer the doormats. I was really shocked by how delicate the dog poop pyramid was because it looked so stable and sticky upon first glance. It was really impossible to know that they would all come tumbling off like bouncy balls when you lifted them up. In case any of you have the misfortune of needing to utilize this plan or even if you simply have the desire to recreate this plan for fun, consider a closer inspection of the soundness of the poop structure or maybe try applying some sort of hardening agent to the poop before moving your mat. It just may be the difference between poop on your neighbor's doormat and poop scattered around their doormat.
You are welcome.
The people downstairs had apparently let their dog out that morning by tying it to the leash that is tethered to our front porch and then leaving her out there. Then, when they let it back in, they either failed to see the feces on our welcome mat or assumed that I had to go really badly the night before and mistook our front step for the bathroom. This rude little morning surprise was no doubt the overweight puggle's way of retaliating for both the stare-down that happened the night before and the humiliation of getting her ass whooped by our dog in June. To that, I say touché! My dog's reaction was a little more critical in that she thought the whole thing was a bit juvenile and uncivilized.
We decided to leave it there that morning because we were in a hurry to get to work. We also were sure the people downstairs would see it later in the day and pick it up. But, as you have probably figured out by now, you can never really be too sure of anything with these people. The poop sat for another night. And another morning. And another day. It is true we had been jumping over it and our dog had been doing that same shimmy every time we had to go outside. So when I came home from work the next day and it was still there, I decided to take some action. And by action, I do not mean the logical thing of picking it up and throwing it away. Or even the mature thing of knocking on the door and asking them to pick up their dog's shit. I decided that I would simply switch welcome mats with them. They were the exact same mats except for the 2-day old pile of crap that sat on ours. And this way, I'd really be giving it to that puggle.
I went to the front stoop and slowly picked up our mat in both hands. My plan was to just slide their doormat over to our door and then place ours down in front of their door. The classic switcheroo. However, as I stood up and began moving towards their door, the dog shit on our mat started to fall from its little pyramid shape and one by one (I think there were a total of 4 pieces to be explicit), they all rolled off the mat and onto the front stoop in a perfect trail from our door to their door. It happened so fast, but in that moment, it was like I was watching it happen in slow motion. I had to use the mat to push the pieces of poop out of the way in order to even make room for the doormat to sit properly in front of their door.
Here is what I thought would happen:
Here is what really happened:
So... it was not the best execution ever, but in the end I achieved the overall goal. The next morning, it was cleaned up! If I could do it all over again, I would probably hairspray the dog poop or apply some sort of hardening/adhesive spray before lifting it and attempting to transfer the doormats. I was really shocked by how delicate the dog poop pyramid was because it looked so stable and sticky upon first glance. It was really impossible to know that they would all come tumbling off like bouncy balls when you lifted them up. In case any of you have the misfortune of needing to utilize this plan or even if you simply have the desire to recreate this plan for fun, consider a closer inspection of the soundness of the poop structure or maybe try applying some sort of hardening agent to the poop before moving your mat. It just may be the difference between poop on your neighbor's doormat and poop scattered around their doormat.
You are welcome.
That was a funny story, keep telling more stories.
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