The Coffee Table

I apologize in advance for the whininess of this post.

The people downstairs have placed a really ugly, broken coffee table out back behind our house by the trash bins. The wooden frame is propped up against the side of the house and its orangey-hued glass pane counterpart is perilously leaned up against the broken frame. Every time I go throw something away, I am afraid that lifting the lid of the trash bin will cause a domino effect, wherein the entire coffee table and its glass pane will topple and shatter into bits, impaling me with orange glass shards. I think their intent was to take the table to the curb along with the trash bins on trash day. However, if this was their initial intent, they have had a change of heart because the thing is still sitting there, nearly a month later. The fourth trash pickup since the emergence of the broken table was yesterday morning and -- what a surprise! -- they had rolled the garbage bins out to the curb but left the coffee table behind. wtf!


Is there some coffee-table specific disposal week that I am unaware of? Like if you put it out on the curb on the wrong week, the garbage guy just runs over your trash with his truck and then leaves it there for neighborhood dogs to mark? It is true that there are 50 or so trash days per year in which they could choose from, but come on! It's not like they rolled out the trash and didn't notice the giant orange pile of broken wood next to it. I am pretty sure you actually need to exert more care to maneuver the bins around the little set up than if that pile wasn't there. The only explanation I can think of is that they are just sticking to their cute little worst neighbors ever shtick - be as inconsiderate and lazy as possible. I drive home from work on Mondays wondering if I'll see that tacky orange heap in front of our house when I pull onto our street or if it will greet me in the back of the house like it has done for the past MONTH! At this point, I think I'll be so excited when it is actually gone that I will send them a thank you note.

This same scenario happened months ago with an old rolled-up rug they had in the basement that was soaked in (what else) urine. The BF ended up getting so fed up that he brought it to the curb himself. This time, out of principal and due to the fact that the coffee table is too big for him to carry himself, he's going to leave it. I'm not sure what it is with these people and trash. Why is this like the 5th post I have had about how they have once again failed at the trash? I am considering purposely knocking the table over myself and breaking the glass just so that I can stop tiptoeing around the trash bins every time I go throw my dog's shit away. It also would be satisfying to watch them clean up all the tiny sharp pieces. I would stand in the kitchen window with all the lights off, strumming my fingers against each other (Mr. Burns) and muttering "excellent" a lot.  I am sorry to have wasted a post on this totally anti-climactic story, but it is so annoying that it sits there week after week and I just had to document the fact that it has been there for a month. I will keep you all updated on any new developments as I am sure you are on the edge of your seats.